Interview with the Marauders
by Telturwen
Summary: They’re in their twenties now, out of school, but they still have the same spirited sarcasm they always had. Read an interview in The TimeTurner newspaper about the infamous Marauders and their activates…along with other things.


**The Infamous Hogwarts' Marauders**

Interviewed by Jean Deblon of _The Time-Turner_

**What was your first sign of magic?**

Potter: Exploded my mum's rotten cooking.  
Black: Shattered my brother's piggy bank.  
Lupin: Fixed a crazed dog's broken chain.  
Pettigrew: Unclogged the toilet…What? No one else could!  
Black: Well, you are very _special_, Pete.

**Where did you go to school before Hogwarts?**

Black: Boar Boils.  
Pettigrew: Pig Pimples.  
Potter: Cow Calluses.  
Lupin: St. Paul's Primary School in London.  
Black, Pettigrew, Potter _(annoyed)_: Moony!

**How did you meet?**

Potter: Well, isn't that an interesting story!  
Black: See, I was in the vast jungles of Africa at the age of ten, hunting a rare species of Erumpent, when a Fwooper hit a high note.  
Potter: I was just a half a mile off, but I had been fortunate enough to be partially deaf that day because of a freak Dungbomb accident the night before. My father, the adventurous man that he was, Apparated us to the clearing where the Fwooper had sung.  
Black: I was lucky enough that young Remus had been there with a straightjacket for me. Peter swung off the branches of the tropic trees and brought us all back to London with his Port Key and I was treated in St. Mungo's just in time to keep my sanity.  
Potter: And I will never forget the look on Remus' face when—  
Lupin: We met on the train, you idiots.  
Black, Potter: Way to ruin it, Moony!  
Pettigrew: Oh, those jungle branches…

**What is your blood status?**

Pettigrew: Half.  
Lupin: I'm half and half.  
Potter: I'm full of it.  
Black: No comment.

**What is your worst fear?**

Black, Potter, Lupin, Pettigrew: Betrayal.  
Potter: And Harry turning two.  
Black: I second that second.  
Lupin, Pettigrew: Me, too.

**What is your current occupation?**

Lupin: I work for a company branched off of the Ministry which educates magical humans with…problems.  
Potter: Furry or otherwise?  
Lupin: Shut up, James.  
Black: I'm more into my personal life, as it is, but I'm volunteering for a charity which helps non-advanced witches and wizards enchant Muggle artifacts in safe and lawful ways. It's quite rewarding.  
Potter: My wife and I are working very hard in a secret organization to stop a certain evil wizard, so that takes prominence over my job…hey, want to join? You get free tea at meetings!  
Pettigrew: I'm a cashier at Florish and Blotts. I'm saving up to join the League of Illegally Enchanted Objects Sirius founded—  
Black: WORM!

**Who was your favorite teacher at school?**

Black, Pettigrew, Potter, Lupin: McGonagall.

**Why?**

Black: There has to be a reason?  
Potter: I'm changing my answer.

**What is your favorite food?**

Black: WHIP CREAM!  
Lupin: Isn't it _whipped_ cream?  
Black: Oh, as if you'd know, Remus.  
Potter: Like it matters.  
Pettigrew: I can't decide!  
Potter: Oh, uh…lettuce.  
Lupin: Steak.  
Pettigrew: Stop! There're too many choices. You're confusing me!  
Potter: It doesn't take much.  
Pettigrew: Potatoes!  
Black: Whip cream would own all of that.

**What would your perfect date include?**

Lupin: A nice meal, candles, and of course a long chat on a subject we both find fascinating.  
Black: Screw conversation. There would have to be major snogging, maybe some whip cream, and a ton of sex.  
Potter: Whip cream _with_ sex.  
Black: Yeah…Shut up, Prongs, you're married.  
Pettigrew: I'd want lots of food in mine.  
Black: And maybe some chocolate sauce.  
Lupin: Honestly, Sirius.  
Potter: Bloody bastards.

**How often do you use your wand?**

Potter: Every day.  
Black: All the time.  
Lupin: Most days.  
Pettigrew: For everything. Sometimes, after I eat a lot, I hover myself to the couch…  
Lupin: You're disgraceful.  
Potter: To the wizarding world.  
Black: …Yeah.

**What was the last spell you used?**

Pettigrew: Summoning Charm.  
Potter: What'd you summon?  
Pettigrew: What? Oh, toilet paper.  
Black: What is it with you and toilets?  
Lupin: I think I used a Memory Modifier.  
Black: Sure it didn't backfire? I Stunned.  
Pettigrew: Who?  
Black: You know that brunette I walked out of the bar with yesterday night.  
Lupin: You're like a big barrel full of wit, Sirius.  
Black: Thanks, Moony.  
Potter: Incarcerous…please, just don't ask.  
Black: So let's see how loud we have to yell 'kinky' before James' ears turn red.  
Black, Pettigrew, Lupin: Kinky! KINKY!  
Black: Damn, that was fast.

**Do you prefer shoes to bare feet?**

Potter: I like socks, personally. Mostly of the fuzzy variety.  
Black: Kink—  
Potter: Don't start with me.  
Lupin: I prefer shoes.  
Pettigrew: You would.  
Lupin: What's that supposed to mean? Just because I don't enjoy flaunting my disgusting, callused, fungus-infested toes at other people…  
Black: Your feet are infested with effing fungus, Moony? Lemme see!  
Potter: Yeah, socks are great.  
Lupin: Stop untying my shoelaces!

**Describe your ideal woman.**

Potter: My wife.  
Black, Pettigrew: His wife.  
Lupin: If Lily reads this…

**Do you have a favorite person?**

Black: Moony.  
Pettigrew: Padfoot.  
Lupin: Prongs.  
Potter: Mrs. Prongs.  
Pettigrew _(indignant)_: Hey! You bastard.  
Potter: When you get married, you'll understand my obligations.  
Lupin: James, stop talking. Right now.

**What's your favorite form of transportation?**

Potter: Broom.  
Lupin: Apparation.  
Pettigrew: Port key.  
Black: Flying.  
Pettigrew: Flying _how_?  
Black: There are various ways.  
Pettigrew: Yes, but she asked what's your _favorite_.  
Lupin, Black, Potter: Shut up, Peter.

**If you had to pick a color to be for the rest of your life, what would it be?**

Black: Black.  
Potter: Blue.  
Lupin: Red.  
Pettigrew: All over?

**If you had to choose, which spell would you want to be hit with?**

Lupin: Something simple, like a Leg-Locker Charm.  
Black: Moon, your legs are already locked. Maybe a Bat-Boogy Hex. I've dished a lot out but I've never actually gotten hit by one before.  
Pettigrew: They're not fun. I'd want to be hit with a—  
Potter: Antler-Growing Charm!  
Lupin: Obviously.  
Black: Does that even count?  
Pettigrew: Probably with—  
Potter: A Silencing Charm, then.  
Black, Lupin: Hallelujah!  
Potter: Hey!  
Pettigrew: A Summoning Charm!  
Lupin: You want someone to summon you?  
Potter _(disgusted_): Oh _please,_ Peter...

**If the four of you made a wizard rock band, what would your name be?**

Black: The Serious Blacks.  
Potter: The Jammin' Potters.  
Pettigrew: The Petty Grews.  
Lupin: The Moronic Marauders.  
Potter: Or maybe…  
Black: Where Are the Wolves!

**What one thing would you bring with you on a deserted island?**

Lupin, Potter, Black: Wand.  
Pettigrew: A potat—wand.

**Thank you for your **_**time**_

Black: What a God-awful pun.  
Potter: I agree. The whole selection of time puns, and this was all they could come up with?  
Lupin: Nobody likes a critic.  
Pettigrew: …I don't get it!

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**A/N:** Reviews are always appreciated! A big thanks to TheOriginalHufflepuff for pointing out my mistake about elementary schools in England. sigh I'll never learn...  



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